Nonlinear Narration

Nonlinear narration is when you tell your story out of chronological order. Think movies like Kill Bill, (500) Days of Summer, The Social Network, Pulp Fiction, Vanilla Sky, Memento, etc. Some of my most favorite movies/books use nonlinear narration. It may seem "radical" but nonlinear narration has been around since...well...the Iliad. There's nothing "new" or "fancy" about nonlinear narration...but "mainstream audiences" rarely inform themselves on such things. Nonlinear narratives can confuse audiences if the story arc isn't handled properly or if the plot is too loose. So my dear minions, if you're going to use a nonlinear narrative, make sure you keep the action tight. Don't stray too far into the Tragic Epic Backstory of your characters. I LOATHE backstory flashbacks. Seldom are they informative or useful, however with nonlinear narration you can play around more with flashback techniques. 

Since my main character is a zombie (ha!) I think a nonlinear route is necessary. I've always admired the nonlinear narrative but I've never tried it before. So...this zombie erotica will be my first pathetic attempt at it. I was at an impasse with this WIP for the longest time--I literally deleted 20K+ words from my manuscript and started over. I was banging my head on my desk for two months...but I'm determined to challenge myself and finish this. This story speaks to me. It wants to be a novel, I can feel it. Still gunning for 50K-65K words. 

I might be too hard on myself. But now that I'm armed with a new idea and finally writing again, I feel much better about this project. :) 

Character Count

A sign of weak writing (at least to ME) is when the author juggles more than 100 million "main" characters and is head popping every 5 seconds. But I'm pretty old skool and I try to keep my total character count under 15. Anything less than 10 is ideal. 

See, I don't use multiple POV at all. I stick with ONE character, ONE narrator, ONE limited POV throughout the entire book. Yes, that is harder to do because I can't rely on another literary device to explain away any writer inconveniences and my main character must have an incredibly strong voice/characterization to carry the weight of the novel...but it is a challenge I enjoy pulling off. 

I like writing "intensely" female protagonists for that reason. More so if my female protagonists are insane or psychologically impaired. Hysterical characters give me more to play with, haha. 

Cosmic Horror (a la Lovecraft)

Time for another horror lesson, minions. It is important to keep to a certain "style" when you're writing literary horror. There are expected tropes and rules to follow. After I finished writing my tentacle story, I went to THIS WEBSITE  to double-check my math. The editor who inspired my tentacle WIP had asked for a "Lovecraftian" style. Little did she know I'm a huge fan of cosmic horror and absurdist/existential philosophy. Angst, Nihilism, and Psychological Trauma are my favorite toys to play with! Authentic "Lovecratftian-inspired" works must have these themes! Some of my favorite tropes of the genre:

1. The apocalyptic log.  Bwahaha, oh god! This article cracked me up (especially the picture of the dude getting eaten by the crocodile) I think South Park made fun of this with the killer guinea pig episode. Why must the terrorized victim always record everything in a diary/video? Obviously, so we (the audience) can see it as if the events are occurring in "real time." The absurdity of this trope makes it all the more entertaining! In real life, I DOUBT a frightened person is actually going to do this. "Hey Mr. Monster, can you hold on a second? Lemme grab my camera or pen so I can record all the gorey shit you're doing. Yes, that's a better angle. OK please continue devouring my legs now. Thanks."

2. The Eldritch Abomination. So at the heart of every Lovecraftian story is its monster. Your monster can't be a serial killer or a brainless werewolf, zombie, vampire, [insert any other clichéd creature here]. Your monster has got to be something so fantastical and strange, it mind-rapes the other characters just by existing in the story! An Eldritch Abomination has no logical purpose but to destroy everything around it and or to drive the other characters insane. These otherworldly creatures live in different realms and operate in an alternate universe. Eldritch Abominations are worshipped as God-like or Satan-like entities because most humans are too insignificant to pose a threat. And since the Eldritch Abomination's motivations are rarely explained, there is seldom a resolution at the story's conclusion.

3. The Complete Breakdown of the Human Psyche. No link for this one--pretty self-explanatory, don't you think? Some examples of this would be movies like 1408, Black Swan, Sucker Punch, and Psycho. A Lovecraftian horror story psychologically BREAKS its characters. And I do enjoy breaking my characters! I fuck with them to the point their minds literally snap and they go mad. This breakdown should occur slowly...gradually. You let the reader witness the full devolution from start to finish. Increase the intensity over time until the climax and then ram your character into the ground so they are left twitching, dazed, and unresponsive! It's fun to write and fun to read! Psychological horror is a personal favorite of mine! It relieves a lot of my stress to torture my fictional characters, ha! 

4. The Existential Angst, Absurdism, and Absence of Religion. Not going to get "wonky" on you (Paul Ryan reference, heh!) but to understand Lovecraft you have to understand a little bit about philosophy. When I started reading Lovecraft in high school, I also started reading Nietzsche, Kant, and Jung. (Yes...I was a hardcore nerd even in high school, minions) I can't explain these philosophical principles in detail (it would take too long and my attention-span is too short) but in a nutshell the Lovecraftian philosophy is this: human life is meaningless and the pursuit to find meaning is and of itself a meaningless exercise. Get it? Got it? No? Check out the links. Think Franz Kafka or Albert Camus. That'll give you a better idea what I'm talking about. 

So yeah. My tentacle story has all four of these principles. However unlike most horror stories, I caved and wrote a happily-ever-after ending. *sigh* It just would have been too depressing (and I think less marketable) had I wrote a true absurdist conclusion where everyone dies at the end. Aaaaand since this story is technically an erotic romance, I do intend to publish it at a small-press. That is, IF I can finish my query letter before Halloween. Ughhh! I really did enjoy writing this story and if it ever sees the light of day, I will be inspired to write more erotic horror! It is 50K words! I cannot believe I wrote it in such a short period of time! Over and out, minions! 

I gots the Editophobia

Found this blog post over at Write Me Happy and thought I'd share. It's about editing, perfectionism, and procrastination. All foes of the would-be and professional writer. Happy hump day, minions! 

Writing historical fiction SUCKS.

This a partial list of all the books I've read (not just skimmed, ladies and gentlemen, read from cover to cover) to research my novel. I will put these books in my bibliography. 


1. Writer's Guide to Everyday Life in Colonial America by Dale Taylor
2. The Name of War: King Phillips War and the Origins of American Identity by Jill Lepore
3. Red, White, and Black (4th edition) by Gary B. Nash
4. Voodoo Hoodoo Spellbook by Denise Alvarado
5. Creole Religions of the Caribbean by Olmos, Paravisini-Gerbert, and Murphy 
6. Freedom Just Around the Corner by Walter A. McDougall
7. The Spells Bible by Ann-Marie Gallagher 
8. Heritage of the World Civilizations (volume 2) by Kagan and Craig


Let's not forget the books I read just for "inspiration" : 
9. The Crucible by Arthur Miller
10. Brown Girl in the Ring by Nalo Hopkinson (I named one of my characters "Nola" in tribute to Nalo Hopkinson!) 
11. 12. and 13. The Fear Street Saga Trilogy by R. L. Stine 


This list does not even cover the dozens of websites I've poured over in preparation. Before, during, and after the novel was completed I've done nothing but study King William's War, New England Native American Tribes, Puritan and Quaker religions, the Salem Witch Trials, and a host of other crap I can't think of at the moment. I eat, breathe, and sleep the 17th century. I want to be as historically/culturally accurate as I possible, which is why I've taken the time to do so much research. 


And THAT is why writing historical fiction is so sucky. It's tedious. On top of that, you can't just regurgitate all the facts you learn and smear them onto the pages and expect that to work. No, sir, you got to "set the scene" as a proper writer would. You gotta weave that shit in so it looks "organic" and "natural." And THAT is the hardest part for me. Yeah, I can spew tons of useless facts about the Puritans...but so what? How does that pull the reader into the time period? When someone reads my novel, I want them to feel like they are IN the 1690s! But it is so difficult to accomplish this without resorting to info-dumping!  


At times I feel like I am failing to capture the historical-ness of my story. All of my betas expressed SHOCK when I told them my characters were based on the real life historical figures who took part in the Salem Witch Trials. Am I just not getting the historical flavor in there strong enough? *headdesk* This is so hard. It really is. I'm not a history buff but I want people to take my book(s) seriously. Of course I embellish many things about the Salem Witch Trials...no one (to my knowledge) transformed into a werewolf and went on a massive killing spree. But yeah. I don't know.


*Sigh* Spare yourself the trouble and just stay away from writing historical fiction altogether. Over and out, minions. I think my brain is about to explode. 


VC

Querying for dummies

Querying is time-consuming. And annoying. And degrading. And demoralizing. You're practically groveling to someone who is more than likely too busy to respond to you anyway, so yeah. There's a reason so many writers loathe this part of the submission stage. But if you're smart (and I'm assuming you are since you read my blog) you can make the most out of this horrendous process. 

Break out the note-taking materials, I will be giving a pop quiz later.

1. Familiarize yourself with sites like QueryShark and Nathan Bransford. Study them. Memorize them. Find other blogs/sites that resonate with you while you learn the mechanics of writing the actual query letter itself. Find successful queries that resulted int full-requests. I personally recommend THIS SITE. 

2. Use the appropriate search engines to find your agents. Publisher's Marketplace, QueryTracker, and AgentQuery are all good choices. 

3. Once you select an agent DO YOUR RESEARCH and check their agency's website, past clients, interviews, etc. Just because Publisher's Marketplace lists "horror" under your agent's name, does not necessarily mean your agent is actively looking for horror at this time. Study the sort of books your agent has represented in the past and make sure you read their submission guidelines first!   

3. Personalize your queries. I realize this is a pain to do--but trust me, your chances of getting a full request are greatly improved if you study your agent's likes and dislikes  before sending off your query. 

4. Write multiple versions of your query letter. Pick the strongest one. Then seek the advice of fellow writers (preferably the writers who beta'd your novel) and revise, revise, revise, revise! This query letter is the only obstacle standing in the way of you getting published, so make sure your query is as strong as possible!

5. You've finished writing the damned thing and your query has been polished to perfection. Congratulations. The hard work is over and all that there's left to do is pull up your big girl panties and mail them off. Expect rejections but stay optimistic. Keep in mind most agents adopt a "no response means NO" approach. So if your agent is nice enough to tell you you've been rejected DO NOT act like an asshole and demand answers for why. Be professional at all times. 

6. So by now you've been rejected by 25 different agents. Chin up. There's still hope. Explore small-press publishing or even self-publishing. There are many ways to get your novel published nowadays. Take these rejections as an opportunity to polish up your MS while you think of a plan B. 


If you have any tips or useful resources to share with us, please don't hesitate to enlighten the blogosphere with your comment! 

VC

Alpha Male Villains

Ahhh...the quintessential "alpha male" antagonist. Does it get any better than Gaston from Beauty and the Beast? Creating an evil (authentic) villain can be just as challenging as characterizing your main character! At the moment, I am having serious problems with one of the villains in my novel! Agggh! It's easy to make your villain a dick. It's much harder to humanize him so his motivations seem authentic.



So what is an "alpha male" exactly? And why do alpha males make such good bad guys?


Alpha males aren't necessarily "evil" but they do have character traits that often twist them into unsympathetic characters. "Alpha" types are assertive, aggressive, self-absorbed, confident, proactive, and tend to put themselves in leadership roles. These traits can be good (and even necessary) in some situations, but in most interpersonal situations, not so much. True alpha males are rare. They should make up less than 15% of the general population. In the wild, the strongest alpha usually wins the right to mate with the female and pass his genetic line. Likewise, in human settings, the alpha male usually puts himself at the top of the social hierarchy (CEOs, politicians, military generals, etc.)


If you're dealing with an alpha male, he will try to assert his "dominance" over you.  An unwilling main character who refuses to follow his rules can create the perfect conflict scenario. This is why alpha males make excellent antagonists in fiction. However, whenever you're creating a villain (alpha or not) you've got to give him realistic motivations. He can't just be evil for the sake of being evil. 


I love to HATE my villains. A truly convincing bad guy can become my favorite character! If your readers love to hate your villain, they will root for your main character. And often they'll turn the pages just to see how the villain "get's it" in the end. So with that said, who is YOUR favorite fictionary villain? And is he an alpha male?  

Smexxxy Friday (How to properly undo her bra)

*Sigh* How many times has a man put his hand up my blouse just so he could fumble around for the next 30 seconds trying to unclasp my bra? So frickin' annoying! Half the time I just undo the damned thing myself because it seems most males on the planet are so hopelessly inept in this area. Guys, if you're going to take off her bra, AT LEAST LEARN HOW TO DO IT PROPERLY! You can score extra points for doing this with one hand, you know. Watch and be enlightened! 

I must admit...the lightning bolt factoid kinda freaked me out a bit. It further reinforces the idea why I never wear underwire bras. Wireless and padded-free all the way, baby! W00t! 

Beta Beta Beta Reader

So if you've cruised around writing forums/blogs as much as I have, you'll eventually encounter the "Beta-Reader" and the perilous quest many writers undergo to find one. So...what is a beta-reader exactly? 


Simply put, a beta-reader is usually the first person to read your entire WIP (work in progress) with the intention of helping you clean it up and submit to publishers or agents. A beta is not the same as your best friend or your boyfriend reading your WIP. Beta-readers are NOT your cheerleaders, they're supposed to tell you what works and what doesn't. That is why beta-readers are a necessity. Without having someone else (preferably another writer) take a critical look at your polished second draft, you could overlook something important. Unfortunately, the worst part about being a writer is our inherent need to "offer up" our work for critique/review. Otherwise what's the point? So you gotta hold your breath and wait for that inevitable first reaction from your peers. And it can be nerve wracking! 

A shy writer (such as myself) finds the whole beta-reading task a daunting one! Finding the right beta can make all the difference while you slug through the grueling editing/revising process. However, when you are lucky enough to find a beta who works well with you, this partnership can be a magical one! However, be prepared to meet a lot of duds along the way...awesome betas are extremely hard to find. *waves at Theresa* I must also thank Michan, Aaron, Al, Karen, Tal and Anna for sticking it out with me through this process! You guys are the bestest! *blows kisses* And working with you has been great! 


So how do you find a beta-reader? We all know writers are private solitary creatures, so it's not like you can just waltz into a bookstore/coffee shop/library and ask the first stranger you see. Usually you can find a beta by using the internet, such as absolutewrite.com or other local writing "guilds" in your area. You can start a writer's group yourself or search for one using meetup.com. The trick isn't so much finding a beta, it's finding a GOOD beta, or a beta who you work well with. 


I've always done this writing thing by myself. I never sought out the opinions of others, and my writing suffered for it. I've grown so much by meeting other writers/bloggers and learning from them. Writing can be a tricky business, but working with your beta-readers should be a fun and challenging experience. 


Happy writing, minions! (and happy leap year!) 
VC

Do you keep a journal?

I've often heard people say that keeping a journal or diary can help you become a better writer. I just love writing in a journal--I own several of them. I have one journal just for poetry and another for jotting down quick notes and sloppily-drawn character sketches/doodles. But my most important one is my personal journal (or diary).


I've kept a personal journal with me since I was eight years old. Over the years, I've filled at least a dozen of them. I enjoy writing in my journal. It is relaxing and it has become something of a ritual. I don't write in it every day...but at least once a month. So long as I'm writing, I'm keeping my mind sharp and my ideas clear. 


A writer should write as often as they can. Practice makes perfect. So if you haven't tried journaling yet, I would recommend you start. 


You never know...it might help. *Shrug* 


VC 

Defining "Sexual Tension"

Ah, sexual tension. What is a decent romantic subplot without it? Initial physical attraction...denial...resistance...and sometimes (but more often than not, a lack of) sweet surrender! All wonderful things to flesh out a romantic relationship in a story. 


I just love watching sexual tension develop between characters--I don't care if it is in a movie, TV series, or novel...hell, even in real life! I just like seeing it! There is definitely an "art" to creating this type of tension. An unskilled writer can make it look cliched and contrived, however when sexual tension is done right--wow! I don't think there is anything more explosively entertaining to draw an audience into a story! When folks are screaming: "GET IT OVER WITH AND BANG THE BITCH ALREADY!" you know you're doing the right thing! Haha! 


They key to creating sexual tension is to first understand what sexual tension is. Are there different types? What sort of scenarios create this tension? I'll write more posts about this topic in the future, but for now let's cover the basics. 


As human beings, we naturally try to alleviate the things that frustrate us. However when we're dealing with sexual tension, the situation or circumstance often prevents us relieving the discomforting feelings. This frustration is what essentially drives the sexual tension forward. This is why sexual tension is inherently more "sexual" than traditional overt sexual displays. Denial and restraint require more mental and physical energy than surrendering to an indulgence. The longer we stay trapped in this unpleasant and frustrated state, the stronger the conflict and tension. 


Just like in real life, sexual tension occurs for a variety of reasons. Perhaps two married co-workers develop an interest in each other at the office, or a high school student harbors a crush on their much older teacher. So long as the EMOTION behind the reason is palpable enough to draw in an audience, you can create sexual frustration between characters. Conflict is always entertaining to watch--and readers loved being teased. 


One way to create sexual tension is to make one character push forward (or initiate a sexual response) while the other character steps back. Using the scenario from above, let's pretend the seventeen-year-old schoolboy accidentally bumps into his teacher in the hallway when they are alone. The unexpected physical contact makes him blush, and instead of immediately moving away, he lets his hand linger on her shoulder. In this scenario, the student is the one who is pushing forward with the initial contact and so the teacher must inevitably pull back. Let's say she does not want to act inappropriately with this young boy or maybe she does not want to lose her job. So she smiles politely at him, steps away from his touch, and quickly excuses herself to the teacher's lounge. 


You can also create sexual tension by making both characters step back or refrain from initiating the sexual response, but this will only work if an external force propels them forward again. Maybe our schoolboy is painfully shy around the women he is attracted to. He knows he could never get away with doing something so bold as the first example, so he keeps to himself and just makes goo-goo eyes at his teacher during class. The teacher is still concerned with upholding professional boundaries and so she does not say or do anything to encourage his behavior. However, now let's imagine the teacher is experiencing financial difficulties due to budget cuts and mass lay-offs at work. Unable to afford her mortgage, she moves across the city into a small apartment--the same apartment our little schoolboy lives. Now that these two are neighbors they are forced to see each other every day in a more "intimate" setting and the sexual tension can move forward again. The external force pushing them together is proximity. They can start carpooling together or maybe the teacher offers to help him with his homework after class. The possibilities are endless.


The thing to remember is that the distance between your two characters must always remain far enough to create frustration while maintaining room for interpersonal interaction. The longer you let this "push-pull" effect control your characters, the better and richer the sexual tension. However, if you let it go for too long, people will lose interest. Finding the right balance is key. 

Useless Writing Tips

One of the hardest things you need to learn about starting a novel is learning when to use the advice you read on  blogs/articles/books/etc. and when to trust your own judgments. Every other week, I'm reading some new blog post about how to introduce your main character or how long your chapter lengths should be. Yadda yadda yadda. 


If you research that crap too long, you'll NEVER get around to writing your novel! And besides, aren't all of those articles basically preaching the same thing over and over again? First three chapters are the most important. No info-dumping. "Said" is always the right dialogue tag. No head-popping. Start your novel where the action is. Research your market and pick an agent accordingly. Write your synopsis before you write your novel. Always have a beta-reader or crit-partner. Never submit a manuscript without reading the publisher's guidelines. Expect rejections. Use social media to market yourself. The acceptance rate for most publishers is less than 5%. Debut novelists should expect to follow different rules than established writers. Blah blah blah


Imagine trying to start a novel with all of THAT constantly going through your mind--ugh! You'll never get anywhere! So forget all the useless writing tips. You don't need them now until after you're done. Until then, just go with it. 


I swear, some bloggers get off on spewing this sort of crap on a daily basis. While it may help out the newbs, it puts an enormous amount of pressure on veterans who should already know this stuff but then start second-guessing themselves as they shop around for tips. 


So here is my useless writing tip for the day:


Understand and accept that there is no golden rule to getting your book published. Luck and persistence is what gets you published 90% of the time. There will always be that writer who did not market themselves as well or who did not work as hard as you but STILL managed to get published.  Shitty novels are published everyday. Remember,  it is not a matter of how well you can write. It's about how many books you can sell. That's how this business works. 


Work hard, but don't kill yourself. Yes, writing a novel is tedious but if it was easy, every asshole out there with a horrible idea would be making millions of dollars. 


Happy writing!
VC

Six Sentence Sunday Sign Up

I've just signed up for it here. 


Basically, you pick six sentences from your manuscript for other bloggers to see and comment on. Sort of like a condensed critique? Anyway...it's my first time so we'll see how it goes. If I stick with it, I'll be more diligent about blogging in a timely fashion, haha! 


Oy... 

How NOT to respond to bad reviews

This has already gone viral and it happened this Monday. So perhaps you've heard about this. For new authors everywhere, be warned: when you get a bad review, do NOT respond to the reviewer. If you do choose to respond back, BE POLITE! 


This writer's meltdown is a lesson for all of us. She's become a cautionary tale (in just two days!) of what NOT to do! Remember, the small-press/indie community is very small...it doesn't take much to go from nobody to notoriety.


http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html

Top Ten Mistakes Writers Make...

I LOVE this website. I use it as my #1 resource when I'm writing. 

I'm guilty of empty adverbs, "to be" words, and repeats, I'm afraid. *sigh* How about you? 

Rejected!

How do you deal with rejections as a writer? 

I was rejected recently by a publisher I really really really wanted to get into. Of course, I was being overly ambitious (sending my manuscript to the very TOP of my submission list) but I already knew ahead of time that my chances of being accepted were slim, at best. There are some writers who take rejections way too personally and others who are hardly fazed by the experience. So I want to know how YOU handle rejections? 


Honestly...I'm mostly apathetic toward my rejections. More so if it's done by the standard rejection form letter. If they can't be bothered to tell me WHY I was rejected, I can't be bothered to submit there again. Also, rejections are 100% subjective. Being rejected does not mean that you SUCK as a writer. It simply means the editors aren't looking for that particular whatever. You can be rejected 8 million or 8 billion times but it only takes ONE acceptance to get your manuscript published! Shop around on Duotrope long enough and eventually you'll find a home for your story. 


Anyways, now that I've been rejected at my top pick, and I can submit to my second best choice...and on it goes! In the meantime, I should write something else during the holiday break! 


Cheers from the Vegetarian Cannibal!  

Revisions And Your Editor

Ah...the necessary (and inevitable) agony of editing your manuscript. As any writer with half a brain will tell ya, finishing your story is only the first step toward the final product. What follows next is a never-ending cycle of revisions, critiques, beta-readers, and finally (if your story is good enough to be accepted by an agent/publisher) your editor. *insert terrified girly scream* Omigod, run! The Dreaded Editor is approaching!

Hee, I'm just joking. Sort of.

You see, for many writers, dealing with their editor is an intimidating part of the writing process. Editors do not think twice about dicing, slicing, and hacking manuscripts into total (unrecognizable) oblivion for the sake of grammatical perfection and length requirements. They are usually not concerned (or yet cognizant) of the writer's perceived "Artistic Genius" (sarcasm.) So coincidentally, you will likely develop a love-hate relationship with this person for the weeks leading up to your release date.

But it's not all bad news!

Your editor's obsessive need to insert semi-colons and eradicate dialogue tags has a useful purpose! At the end of the day, your editor's job is to help you (although it may not seem that way at the time!) and without them, the literary world would be a sorry sight indeed. Even the best writer can make improvements and it is the editor's job to point these out.

However, every once in a while a writer faces off a particularly "draconian" assailant. For this, you should definitely stick up for your manuscript and say "no." If the editor is pushing too hard or trying to change your story into something you're not comfortable with, speak up! But first, assess whether or not your objections stem from sensitivity or ego before contradicting your editor--if that's not the case, state your reasons for why their changes won't work for you. The manuscript is YOUR work. You gotta say something if you're unsure.

It may be a rough ride for some writers (more so if they're particularly sensitive to harsh criticism) but the end result makes it worthwhile. Grow a thick skin (if you're going to succeed as a professional writer at all, you're going to need one!) and work on your skills. The best part about the editing process is that once it's over, it's OVER! The rest is all fun stuff, like working with a cover artist and seeing your story hit the shelves.

At least for me, there's no greater feeling than that!

Pen Names Revisited

So last time we discussed the "good side" of pen names, didn't we? But I left out the cons of having a pen name on purpose so I could dedicate a whole post to the subject.

Here are some common problems I've run into (or heard about) when it comes to pseudonyms:

1. Confusing the hell out of your readers! Now this is a biggy. You can and will confuse your readers if you decide to use multiple pen names OR if you decide to use just one. And here's why:

Say, you're a talented author who can write more than one genre (like moi!). You write a little horror, a little sci-fi, a little erotica, a little non-fiction... you're such a badass you can write whatever the fuck you want, right? And you're good at it, so why not?

So now let's say you have one name for your horror stuff, one name for your erotica, and two more for your sci-fi/fantasy. Obviously, your fans are going to have to look all over god's green earth just to find and figure out which is which and what is what, and you don't want that do you? It's confusing! And a nuisance! It's much easier for them to just look for one name rather than five or six, right? It always pissed me off when a writer used ten million pen names. It often prevented me from buying their books just because I couldn't be arsed to go through the trouble of looking up all of their names.

On the flip side, however, you can confuse your readers just by going under one name.

Let's pretend I've become famous for my horror stories. When readers think: "Vegetarian Cannibal" they automatically categorize me with horror, thriller, suspense, etc. But say I got tired of writing horror stories and I wanted to try my hand at children's books. People may not buy my children's books under "Vegetarian Cannibal" because they've assumed I can only write horror! I've been "type-casted" by my pen name. And that can hurt sales and confuse your fan base. Your fans might turn on you if they see you doing another genre. Start saying stuff like: "Why the fuck is she doing kiddy books? She used to be so hardcore when she did horror! Now she's gotten soft. I'm not buying anymore of her books!" And just like that, you've sabotaged your career!

You have to remember that consumers are FICKLE FICKLE FICKLE! What's hot today is lame tomorrow. So be mindful of that if you write more than one genre. You do NOT want to confuse your fan base!

2. Picking a really STUPID pen name and getting "stuck" with it. Ah, how many writers have complained about this? Too many to count, I would imagine. Picking a pen name is like naming your company. Because really, as a writer, your name is your brand! It's all a potential reader (customer) has to go on before they pick up your book. So it is IMPERATIVE to choose a pen name (if at all) that represents you the way you wish to be seen. Maybe "Monkey Stupid Boy" was funny in college but not so much now that you're trying to sell self-help books! Or maybe you decided to use a pseudonym with your ex-husband's last name? Yikes! Make sure you really think about it because it can cause your grief in the long run.

3. Nobody knowing who you are. This is one I hear a lot about. Having a pen name gives you automatic anonymity. For some, this is great! For others, not so much.

Some writers have a very personal relationship with their work and want the whole world to know who they are and why they wrote that particular piece. I think that's great. It's not something I would personally do, given the subject matter of most of my stories, but there are a lot of authors out there who use their real names and get on just fine. Really, it's up to the individual and what your motivations and expectations are. If you're comfortable writing homosexual erotica under your real name--GO FOR IT! Just know that your 9-to-5 employer or devout Catholic grandmother could find out and give you grief about it later. Oy vey!

Those are the biggies I usually run into as far as CONS go. If you can think of some more don't be afraid to speak up and leave a comment. I'm curious to your thoughts. :)

Happy writing!

TK

Horror Writing 102

Congratulations, you guys! You passed Horror Writing 101 with flying colors! So now you can progress to the intermediate course: Horror Writing 102!

That being said, I bet you remember what we learned in 101, yeah? Primal fears. You can't be a horror writer if you don't know what scares people. You really are good students! Or maybe I'm just a stellar teacher. Either way, let's begin today's lesson!

Now, what I'm about to write is going to piss some of you off...but it has to be said. It is MY biggest pet peeve in the horror industry and it part of the reason why the horror genre is dying.

ORIGINALITY! ORIGINALITY! ORIGINALITY!

Horror writers have stopped trying to be original!

They write about the same tired monsters and themes over and over and over again expecting different results! Guess what? There aren't any! It's time to step out of the box and create something different. I'm not saying you should throw them away but just write OTHER stuff!

Vampires were scary as shit when Bram Stoker did it. Why? Because he was the first. Zombies were scary as shit when Mary Shelly did it. Why? Because she was the first! Aliens were scary as shit when H. G. Wells did it. WHY?! Because he was one of the first!

Are you sensing a theme, here?

The same can be said for werewolves, ghosts, and Cthulhu. Once it's been done, it's done. You can try to recreate a different "twist" on these century-old creatures, but it won't get you far because the horror genre cannot evolve without new material! It's like...like...well, Christmas music. Yes, Christmas music. (I do have an analogy in here somewhere...)

After five or six songs, they all start to sound the same because they ARE all the same. Every year some new blowhard does a cover of the same shit people were singing about fifty years ago! They can't beat the originals, so they just sing the same shit. Same "Jingle Bells" but with Justin Timberlake. Same "We wish you a merry Christmas" but it's Katy Perry's voice. And every year the novelty of "Oooh, it's a Justin Timberlake twist!" wears off, and someone like Miley Cyrus replaces him with her "poignant" version of "Silent Night." There's a reason people don't listen to that stuff all year long. You'd go insane with boredom! Or perhaps overdose on Christmas Cheer, hohoho!

There is more to horror writing than vampires and zombies! Just look around you!

Look at Alfred Hitchcock's, "Psycho." Stephen King's, "Carrie." Edgar Allan Poe's, "The Tell-Tale Heart." Ray Bradburry's, "Something Wicked This Way Comes." Tim Burton's "The Nightmare before Christmas." William Peter Blatty's, "The Exorcist." Seriously, the possibilities are ENDLESS once you get your head out of the zombie-vamp-were-box.

As horror writers, you benefit from creating something different. It gives you an edge. Although it may be tempting to "do what everyone else does" stick to your guns and be an original. It'll pay off in the long run AND it'll add something to the horror genre that wasn't already there before.

This concludes Horror Writing 102. Clear your desks except for a number two pencil and a scantron. Testing starts right now!

Pseudonyms...hmmm...

To pseudonym or not to pseudonym, that is the question! Tricky, tricky stuff, I tell ya! Many writers have wrestled with this question, including yours truly. And I'm going to tell you why!

For those of you who are just starting out--the writing world is very small. Much much smaller than you'd think. So everyone knows everybody else. Publishers talk--writers talk--so the things you say and do to one writer might come back months later at a different publishing press. Which is great if you're looking for good publicity...but most often, this is NOT a good thing. I hate to say it, but the publishing business is rift with pettiness.

Pseudonyms are a way for writers to protect themselves from those inside and OUTSIDE the business. If you write erotica, like me, you may not want your grandmother finding out about it. Or your boss (if you work in a conservative company!)

Also, pen names are a smart way to boost your fan base! Names that start with "A" are shelved first in bookstores. So if you want people to look at your book, changing your name so that it is placed first in line is a good way to go! Pen names also hide genders and ethnicities. If you're trying to break into a dominant homogenous market (*cough SCIENCE FICTION/HORROR cough*) it might be a good idea to make your name as neutral (*cough MASCULINE *cough ANGLO-PHONIC *cough) as possible to cut out any potential biases your readers might have which will prevent them from picking up your book.

As sad and unfair that is, this is the way publishing works! It's not about how well you can write, because we've all read books that SUCKED ass--it's about how you can SELL yourself! Those who sell themselves best, win. And don't even get me started on the politics behind book covers! But that's for another post.

So let's review the PROS for having a pseudonym, shall we? Get out your pencils and take notes, as I might give a pop quiz later!

1. Pseudonyms protect writers from those in the publishing business who want to slander the writer's name or ruin their career.
2. Pseudonyms offer privacy to writers who wish their work to remain anonymous (due to a conservative job or family matters)
3. Having a pen name has benefits when it comes to shelving at book stores (either by alphabet or marketability)
4. Pseudonyms can be gender-neutral or ethnically-neutral, which can be an advantage if the writer is wanting to break into a slanted homogenous field.

So there you have it! Pencils down, class. I'll write more on the cons for pen names next time. But for now, that concludes the introductory segment on pseudonyms!

Signed,

The Vegetarian Cannibal (aka TK Turner) -----> Note: None of which are my real names.