The beatification and martyrdom of oppressed/minority characters is encouraged by the PC Police. Female heroines MUST be spunky, attractive and assertive. "Ethnic" characters MUST be inherently altruistic and non-threatening. LGBT characters MUST be model citizens and or relationship-experts. Characters with physical/mental disabilities MUST possess some inhuman "advantage" or "saintliness." The list goes on. Not only are these portrayals unrealistic, they're stupid. I'm all for positive re-imaging but often it goes too far. Political Correctness is an American obsession--it is neurotic pacification, and often detracts from the real issues to create new stereotypes. For example, by only showing women as flawless, confident, and assertive axe-wielders, we create a new myth about women. Sure, some women are sexy badasses who can save the world, get the guy (or girl) while wearing 6-inch high boots and glossy leather corsets (see most urban fantasy/sci-fi book covers) but that's not the truth for the vast majority of women, is it?
Your heroine can still be intelligent and competent without turning into a warped caricature of modern feminism, right? Right??? I'm not afraid to portray my characters as people. And people are much more complicated than the Politically In/Correct boxes we force them in. I imagine my POV might/will offend some folks...but I hate labels and I refuse to regurgitate the same tired crap over and over again. I'll continue to write heroines who fuck up, who aren't tiny-waisted ass-kickers, who have realistic doubts and goals. I'll also continue to write multicultural/disabled/and or LGBT characters who are selfish, flawed, violent and wonderful. Because that's life. And people exist in shades of gray.
Um...not referring to gay men...I'm actually talking about bears. The animals. I ran across this ridiculous article while surfing the internet. Being the altruistic cannibal I am, I uh, thought I'd share. You'll never look at your teddy bears the same way again.
If you have to squeeze that much, honey, you ain't got nothin' to show. Honestly, that was my first thought when I looked at this photo. I think every girl over the age 13 knows this trick, closing the arms together to offer some hint of artificial cleavage. I just wonder why we do it, though? I mean, it looks so obviously fake. Get a wonder bra, breast implants, or just stop squeezing them altogether and let them hang where they be. Men don't care. And lesbians/bisexuals don't obsess over breasts like men do. I think I gave up on my breasts when I was 14. My Korean stepmother insisted I take "Ancient Chinese Herbal Supplements" to increase my cup size (which, of course, didn't work) and my breasts didn't bud beyond an A-cup until I hit 19. Then pow. C-cup/D-cup. Now, disgruntled and 30lbs later, I'm tired of my chest. I met a lesbian in a chat room who complained once that she wished her breasts were "detachable." I agree. Wouldn't detachable breasts be more convenient? Depending on the top you want to wear, you can pick and choose the cup-size that best fits your outfit. Right? My boyfriend likes my breasts...no surprise there...but I really wish I didn't have to deal with my breasts anymore. I wish they were detachable.
Nonlinear narration is when you tell your story out of chronological order. Think movies like Kill Bill, (500) Days of Summer, The Social Network, Pulp Fiction, Vanilla Sky, Memento, etc. Some of my most favorite movies/books use nonlinear narration. It may seem "radical" but nonlinear narration has been around since...well...the Iliad. There's nothing "new" or "fancy" about nonlinear narration...but "mainstream audiences" rarely inform themselves on such things. Nonlinear narratives can confuse audiences if the story arc isn't handled properly or if the plot is too loose. So my dear minions, if you're going to use a nonlinear narrative, make sure you keep the action tight. Don't stray too far into the Tragic Epic Backstory of your characters. I LOATHE backstory flashbacks. Seldom are they informative or useful, however with nonlinear narration you can play around more with flashback techniques. Since my main character is a zombie (ha!) I think a nonlinear route is necessary. I've always admired the nonlinear narrative but I've never tried it before. So...this zombie erotica will be my first pathetic attempt at it. I was at an impasse with this WIP for the longest time--I literally deleted 20K+ words from my manuscript and started over. I was banging my head on my desk for two months...but I'm determined to challenge myself and finish this. This story speaks to me. It wants to be a novel, I can feel it. Still gunning for 50K-65K words. I might be too hard on myself. But now that I'm armed with a new idea and finally writing again, I feel much better about this project. :)
We writers are a self-absorbed, whiny bunch, aren't we? We assume the words we write are worthy of consumption and discussion. We expect to be admired for our "originality" and "creativity," and when we present our work to faceless critics, we hope for mindless applause rather than honest scrutiny. We think we're pretty awesome at what we do. Otherwise we wouldn't bother slapping our manuscripts into the hands of weary editors and agents. Yeah. Well. I'm going to admit I'm very much a diva in that way. And a perfectionist. When I was in high school, I flew into fits of rage whenever I sat down to edit my own work. Haha...I would look at my first draft, curse at how "stupid" and "dumb" it was, and then in pure diva-fashion, delete the entire 60K+ word manuscript from my harddrive. *cringe* I also remember acting a bit like a diva when I got my first full-request rejection from an agent. Lots of indignant snorting and tearful complaints to tolerant friends and my exasperated significant other. "Well 'effthem for not recognizing my artistic brilliance!" and so on. Hahaha... You'd think we as writers would grow out of it...but no. We go on thinking we're supremely awesome and talented until the day we die. Oh yes, I'm shaking my head with shame as I type this sentence. No matter what, writers write. Even when we have all the evidence in the world to suggest we SUCK at it. We'll keep going. And we should keep going. Can you think of any diva moments you've experienced as a writer?
I've been giggling over this artbook all month. It has gorgeous photo-realism, radioactive high-fructose corn syrup, and lots of snark. Romantically Apocalyptic is a web comic by Vitaly S. Alexius. I ran into @zeecaptein by accident on twitter. Had no clue what it was but I loved his humorous sarcasm and orignal artwork and so I ended up purchasing the first limited edition book and digital soundtrack. They got mugs, t-shirts, and other crap to buy...but if you're going to buy anything Romantically Apocalyptic related, go get the artbook. I enjoy having it on my coffee table. Always good for a laugh. I plan to buy the second book when I get more money. *cries* The main website has all of the comics uploaded already...so if you just wanna read without buying anything, there ya go. But the art is so pretty...why NOT buy it??? :D The characters are fun and the story itself is lighthearted. I recommend this book for anyone who likes sprawling post-apocalyptic landscapes and highly texturized art. Yes, I might have drooled a bit while leafing through the beautiful pages. Maybe you will too? Enjoy the rest of your valentine's day weekend! Over and out.
A sign of weak writing (at least to ME) is when the author juggles more than 100 million "main" characters and is head popping every 5 seconds. But I'm pretty old skool and I try to keep my total character count under 15. Anything less than 10 is ideal. See, I don't use multiple POV at all. I stick with ONE character, ONE narrator, ONE limited POV throughout the entire book. Yes, that is harder to do because I can't rely on another literary device to explain away any writer inconveniences and my main character must have an incredibly strong voice/characterization to carry the weight of the novel...but it is a challenge I enjoy pulling off. I like writing "intensely" female protagonists for that reason. More so if my female protagonists are insane or psychologically impaired. Hysterical characters give me more to play with, haha.
...A staple character in any gothic tale worth its salt, right? *Sigh* I kinda got over the Byronic Hero in the 8th grade. Who really wants the bipolar, angsty white dude who acts like a total flaming asshole to everybody? More troubling, the "feminist" white women who are destined to become his sexual/romantic "conquests" are somehow (in the eyes of literary scholars) setting gender-positive messages by enduring his self-centered crap? Yes, I'm looking at you, Brontë sisters. Honestly I don't get it. But since my zombie erotica will be a southern gothic, I have to get this Byronic Hero thing down. Let's be clear. I've NEVER been attracted to this sort of personality. And I'm having a ridiculous time writing my Byronic Hero (or anti-hero/villain) in the "breathless, dreamy, sparkly" style of traditional gothic-romanticism. I literally had to start the story from scratch. I was writing my Byronic Hero more like...well...a psychopathic serial killer/rapist and less like the "Misunderstood Bad Boy" crap-o-la. I guess it is because I know Byronic Heroes do not EXIST outside the pages of romance-gothic novels. In real life, Byronic Heroes are mentally ill, abusive, serial killers, drug-addicts, pedophiles, con artists, and or rapists. And there's NOTHING sexy about that is there? I threw up in my mouth a little. Seriously. Then I deleted more than 10K words and decided to start over. This story is, perhaps, the HARDEST fucking thing I've ever attempted to write. I'm annoyed but determined to finish all 50K words of this novella. So help me gawd. This will be the BEST zombie civil war erotica on the market! *sobs quietly* Over and out.
Since I gushed so much about Manuel Ferrara last week, let me go ga ga for my favorite female porn star, Abella Anderson. I stalk her on twitter but I cannot bring myself to tweet her. I get too nervous. I start blushing. My heart pounds. I have trouble swallowing and so I abandon the idea and just masturbate to her image instead, LOL LOL LOL!!!! I'm like that around all the girls I'm attracted to in real life too. I fidget, stammer, and start acting like a DORK! It's a wonder I got any girl-on-girl sex at all! I will now grace your screen with pictures of my beloved Cuban goddess. Yum yum yum!
Am I the only one who finds necrophilia (as a concept) screamingly funny? I mean...I'm sure people do it. Otherwise it wouldn't be a "thing." I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the mechanics of it. Who looks at a dude in a coffin and thinks: "Easy pickings. I'll ride that thing till it breaks off!" Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, dear...maggots. *Snort* I kinda wanna write a necrophilic erotic story. Just for shits and giggles. Just to see if I can actually do it (convincingly) and get the damned thing published. And why not? If I can get a story about nuns and tentacles published, why not zombies? Why not necrophilia? The erotic genre is primed for creative exploration and boundary leaping. The erotic market is so much more lenient than other literary genres--and since I'm a twisted, depraved madwoman with a restless imagination, I honestly think I can excel in "weird erotica." Carve out my niche in sexual debauchery and perversion!
There are things I write when I'm being "serious" and then the things I write when I'm being 100% sarcastic. When people take my erotica seriously, I always get a hysterical laugh out of it. Erotica is a playground. I can get away with shit I would NEVER be able to in a non-erotic press. If I want to explore my atheist musings, I can. If I want to experiment with racial topics, I can. If I want to discuss lesbian feminism and gender inequality, I can. Try doing that in another genre and see if it'll sell. It won't. I don't mind scraping it in the "underbelly" of the literary world. Most of what I write is "pulp" anyway. If I can get you hot and bothered while stimulating your intellect, HURRAY! I want to engage my readers in any way I can. Mind and body, I'll rub them both! And why not? Why the fuck not? *wears shit-eating grin* Ohhhhhhh minions, I feel like writing something truly naughty! :D
Manuel Ferrara is a French porn star. And um...I kinda stalk him. On twitter.Onporn sites(skip to 3:54) Onblogs.And yeah...I'm totally blushing right now. And also grinning like a frickin' idiot. Everyone has their favorite porn star, right? Manny is mine. What I like most about Manuel Ferrara? His primal savagery. He fucks girls like some sort of beast...but he kisses them while he does it and gives them prolonged eye contact. It's what I call "fucking gently." When I watch him, I feel as if he's genuinely trying to make the woman orgasm. I don't feel like he's "working" for a shoot. And he has a cute French accent and he has a funny sense of humor and he's won dozens of porn awards...and um...he has LOTS of female fans. Apparently. *snort* I'm not going to write much more...honestly my cheeks are flushed and I giggle each time I glance at the photo. So let's just end it here call it a day, eh? I don't usually have this electric thunderbolt reaction to men, but when I do it's like...ooooowaaaaah. *bites lips* Mmmmmmmmmm... *unwholesome thoughts flit through VC's head*
I give you jelly in your ears! Rejoice in the hypnotic curse of Ka'zar! This song pretty much sums up my mood as of late. A nice chill track to get you through your week, I hope! :) ~Cheers from the Vegetarian Cannibal!
I have a problem with men reading my work. I don't know why but I do. Perhaps it is my natural distrust of men due to my abusive background or something. I recognize I got some misandry issues. I will admit and say I don't write my books FOR MEN--my primary goal is to EMPOWER WOMEN. Specifically women of color and lesbians/bisexuals. Whenever I write a male protagonist it is usually because I want to torture the shit out of him or perhaps kill him off in some gruesome, satirical way. That said, I always insert a positive male character in my stories for balance (I don't write lifetime movies, LOL!) Yet even though I dislike men reading my work, some of my most vocal supporters (and betas) have been men. Which is so strange! I take my work seriously and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some man dump on me. But that has never happened and it's like I've been bracing myself for nothing. And yet I still carry this absurd anxiety whenever I meet male writers/editors! I need to get over it. And pull my head out of my ass. Over and out, minions.
Is my vibrator ruining my relationship? A wonderful article about jealous boyfriends and the legendary Hitachi Magic Wand. Like the author of this article, my boyfriend has also expressed resentment for this toy. Even as I type this sentence, my steadfast electronic stallion is winking at me from my nightstand and my boyfriend is trying not to roll his eyes. I can't say enough about the Hitachi Magic Wand. This vibrator can make me cum in less than 20 seconds flat. And I wish I was joking. 20 seconds or less and I'm soaring on an endless train of orgasms. I'm multi-orgasmic and can achieve a dozen or more orgasms in rapid succession. Sometimes I squirt. Sometimes I see colors. More often than not, I just scream, lol. Annoys the neighbors and makes my boyfriend red-faced jealous. So it is understandable men might find this vibrator threatening. My boyfriend actually BURNT my Hitachi Magic Wand while I was out of town once! I'm sure it was unintentional...but I can't help but think there was some passive aggression involved. Hee! Ladies, do yourself a favor and BUY THIS TOY! You can get it on Amazon for 50 bucks. I haven't run into any clitoral desensitization but I also don't use it every day. The Hitachi is (without question) my most FAVORITE clit vibe! Maybe it'll be yours too? Have a smexxxy weekend, minions! ;)
Today's post will be about Southern Gothic literature. Yeah, yeah, like you I was forced to read William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams in school...but never never Flannery O'Connor! So to satisfy my curiosity, I just checked out her entire collection from the library today. And I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into it! I have an idea for a southern gothic story, but I'm checking my math before I sit down to write it. The more I ponder about the sort of writer I want to be, the more I internalize the word "gothic" into my personal lexicon of self-characterizing definitions. But "southern gothic" is something else. An unfamiliar term. A perplexing string of words. And yet I was born in the south. My parents were raised in the south. I currently reside in the south. My boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "southerner." And despite all that, I don't identify as "southern" or even "southern black." Southerners are a fascinating mystery to me. I've lived in many parts of the United States, from upstate New York to the Nevada-California border in the Sierra Mountains. Tennessee, Indiana, Connecticut, North Carolina and now Texas. I've been everywhere...and my cultural "roots" dangle nowhere. Yet I think I know enough about southerners to write a convincing southern gothic. We'll see, won't we? Over and out.
Dear anonymous indie/small-press author I met via Twitter, First let me say I love the fact you're breaking away from traditional publishing. I agree. Many talented and capable writers are overlooked for the sake of profits. And yes, readers should explore alternate avenues beyond the expected tripe the Big Six churns out. Like you, I too believe small-press/indie publishers are changing the industry for the better. More writers are breaking away from the herd at record numbers, and I'm totally behind all that! However, please stop the elitist, self-righteous douchebaggery on Twitter. Snark is OK. Cyber bullying is not. Do not attack other writers, regardless how talented or untalented you think they might be. And when you promote your books on Twitter, stop treating your fellow small-press/indie peers like "customers." Enough with this: "Hey, hey, buy my book! Let me flood your twitter feed with at least 200 different purchasing links! I have 1,000+ followers so that makes me super talented and famous!" I can count at least four times I bought a book from some indie/small-press writer only to have that person UNFOLLOW or IGNORE me after my purchase. Um, hello. Don't you want a Goodreads review? Amazon rating? Guest blog opportunity? Or do you only care I increased your sales count? C'mon. Network professionally! Indie/small-press writers cannot survive without helping one another. It's not a competition, guys. Really. It's not. Granted, not every indie writer on Twitter is a flaming asshole, but dear lord, the loudest of them are! Social media is a useful tool to promote yourself and your work. And Twitter can be a wonderful place to meet and connect with other folks in the industry...but the cannibalization needs to stop. I urge you to pull your head out of your ass. If you truly care about books, you'll stop tearing each other apart and focus on your own work. Write the best book you can and stop worrying what the other writer next to you is doing. And so ends my morally superior rant of the week. Over and out, minions.
...to your parents, I mean. You see, I just recently told my mom I write erotica. It was the holidays. I was at my boyfriend's mother's house. I was lonely. And my mom happened to call while I was staring at my new contract so...yeah. I don't think I'll ever let her read any of my erotic stories, though. The very thought makes me cringe in all the wrong places. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. But I guess I'm good at it since I keep getting contracts. However I don't know if I want to be known solely as "an erotic author" y'know? It's sort of a trashy title to have, isn't it? And not something I can expect to announce at family gatherings when I'm craving unflinching praise and affirmation. This topic came up on my author loop and I thought I'd blog about it. Very few people know I write erotica. And fewer know I write F/F. *sigh*
So here's what I've accomplished since my last ridiculous update. 1. Signed and contracted my tentacle erotic horror story at Storm Moon Press (awaiting edits) 2. Three literary agents currently considering Witching Tree (taking a hiatus on querying due to burnout) 3. Poem about menstruation scheduled for publication at some obscure horror magazine 4. Rewriting the first third of Witching Moon and planning to complete the manuscript by Spring 5. Drafting the third book while not expecting failure from the first 6. Planning to write more novellas and short stories for magazines/small-presses in the interim 7. Discussing possible new author website? So...not a bad way to start the new year, eh? Perhaps the biggest disappointment was not meeting my goal to sign with an agent by Jan 1, 2013. But hey, wasn't expecting to sell my tentacle story either. So it cancels itself out to a lukewarm neutrality. I have no idea when I'll resume querying agents again. I think I want to devote my energies toward my second novel before I take another dive into the slushpile. Now that I have a new press, my confidence is up and I'm salivating to write. I feel as if I am on the cusp. I just turned 24. *cringe* And it's no longer cute to write "just for fun." Either I'm going to be good at this thing and make it my career or I need to get off my ass and go to graduate school. I'm terrified of failing. I always have been. Especially when I want this sooo bad...I can literally taste it! I'm too ambitious for mediocrity. I want to be on a bookshelf at a national bookstore. I really do. My goal is to get on the New York Times bestseller's list before I am 30! If I can do it...if I can succeed...fuck.
Hi. I'm the Vegetarian Cannibal.
My primary diet consists of broccoli and tofu and things like that, but I've been known to spoil myself on organisms higher up the food chain. Babies mostly. Sometimes clowns.
I'm a writer and this is my blog. :) I don't eat any of my fans, so don't worry. Just promise to clean up after you're done!