Smug Assholes.

Most people generally try to do their best and be courteous and polite...but there are just some asshats out there who piss me off. For instance, some writers really piss me off. It is why I swore off of message boards (specifically writing forums) because I cannot STAND most of the smug idiots who frequent them.


We all know these people. The list goes as follows:

• The Unpublished Writer--Now don't jump to conclusions here. I'm not hating on unpublished writers or anything like that. I'm talking about a specific kind of unpublished writer. These are the ones with NO talent, NO sense of common sense and who think their work is the shit. They do NOT listen to constructive criticism, they do NOT offer anything relevant to most discussions and mostly turn the conversation around to talk about themselves. They LOVE to bitch about how "misunderstood" and "overlooked" their "genius" is and blame their inability to get published on other people. They do NOT follow submission guidelines or anything basic like that. Meanwhile, what advice you give them goes completely out the window. I think some teenagers fit into this category.

• The Newly Published Writer--This is the asshat who just started getting work at token/free markets. They think they're big and bad and like to advertise how "accomplished" they are because they have something in print. They start putting themselves above unpublished writers (not the douchebag ones I described before, but the hardworking, unpublished variety) and start using words like "professional author" and "published" to describe themselves. Usually, these guys are the same people I described in #1 but who somehow manage to get published. They let their "success" get to their heads and are absolute nightmares to deal with. 

• The Small Press Diva--We're finally getting to the writers with some talent, but Small Press Divas are just as smug as the other two. Not all small press writers are divas. Again, I'm talking about a specific type of small press writer. These assholes work with some obscure publisher nobody has ever heard of, but talk about their books as if they're on the NY best-sellers list. They might be a best-seller at their tiny little publisher...but when you research that publisher, you realize there are only 3 books in the entire inventory. No shit their book is a "best-seller" if there are only 2 other books to compete with! I mean...c'mon! But Small Press Divas have no shame and will flaunt their "best-seller" status to anyone. They brazenly claim that they are making tons of money and are attending numerous book signings when in actuality they're not. Their "book signings" consist of going to family functions with a few signed copies, or forcing their friends to take a copy at barbecues and cookout parties. These guys LOVE to go to conventions so they can boast about how successful their "careers" are going. They are completely self-absorbed and are convinced they are "famous" because they have a few people following their blogs. 

• The Woe Is Me Writer--These writers are very easy to spot. They're constantly asking you to look over their stuff. They FEED off of "not being good enough" and are constantly looking for affirmation. They'll whine about how much they suck, and will fish for compliments at every turn. They'll preface posts with crap like: "I really suck at writing poetry...but I wanted to know what you guys think." When you tell them their poem is good, they'll say: "Not it isn't, you're just being nice. Now I'm starting to hate my poem, I don't even know why I posted it up." However, they KNOW they HAVE talent, they KNOW that they are GOOD writers, but they just want to hear YOU say it. And saying it once isn't good enough. They want you to tell them how awesome they are over and over until you're blue in the face. And even then, that won't be enough. It's disingenuous behavior on their part because once you tell them to stop whining, they'll leech onto someone else who is stupid enough to listen. They're parasites. The only way to get rid of a Woe Is Me Writer is to kick them out of the crit group or just ignore them. There's nothing more emotionally draining than a Woe Is Me Writer. Ugh. 

Can you think of any other smug assholes?