Monday, June 25, 2012

La Ronde Lunaire

It was the top rated comment on youtube that made me put this video up on my blog:   

To me, the wolf symbolizes never ending loneliness. He moves on in life, searching for somebody, but no matter what, he is alone. It's an eternal struggle, a race against time that can never be won. Or maybe he wants to be lonely. Perhaps he runs from company to preserve his isolation.

It touched me. Because whenever I look at this video, I see my main character running into nowhere. I want people to love her as much as I do. But I'm starting to doubt she will get the chance to share her voice...or if a mass audience would even accept a character like her. Yeah, she's black. Yeah, she's gay. Yeah, she's a slave in the 1600s. Yeah, she practices Voodoo and Paganism. Yeah, she doesn't fit the traditional "werewolf" conventions. But so what? Can't people look beyond their preconceptions and just accept the story for what it is? 

Perhaps it's the PMDD talking...I dunno. But when I look at this video, I just see my main character running away from me. I begin to question whether or not I have the talent to get my book published...and then I get depressed. I am 23yrs old and quickly losing my bright-eyed optimism. I'm realizing for the first time that there is a great possibility that I will fail. I might never accomplish my dream to make it on a bookshelf someday. I might never become the "real writer" I've always imagined myself to be. 

Failure. It's a word I'm familiarizing myself with. And it doesn't feel good. 


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