Nonlinear Narration

Nonlinear narration is when you tell your story out of chronological order. Think movies like Kill Bill, (500) Days of Summer, The Social Network, Pulp Fiction, Vanilla Sky, Memento, etc. Some of my most favorite movies/books use nonlinear narration. It may seem "radical" but nonlinear narration has been around since...well...the Iliad. There's nothing "new" or "fancy" about nonlinear narration...but "mainstream audiences" rarely inform themselves on such things. Nonlinear narratives can confuse audiences if the story arc isn't handled properly or if the plot is too loose. So my dear minions, if you're going to use a nonlinear narrative, make sure you keep the action tight. Don't stray too far into the Tragic Epic Backstory of your characters. I LOATHE backstory flashbacks. Seldom are they informative or useful, however with nonlinear narration you can play around more with flashback techniques. 

Since my main character is a zombie (ha!) I think a nonlinear route is necessary. I've always admired the nonlinear narrative but I've never tried it before. So...this zombie erotica will be my first pathetic attempt at it. I was at an impasse with this WIP for the longest time--I literally deleted 20K+ words from my manuscript and started over. I was banging my head on my desk for two months...but I'm determined to challenge myself and finish this. This story speaks to me. It wants to be a novel, I can feel it. Still gunning for 50K-65K words. 

I might be too hard on myself. But now that I'm armed with a new idea and finally writing again, I feel much better about this project. :) 

Necrophilia & Erotica

Am I the only one who finds necrophilia (as a concept) screamingly funny? I mean...I'm sure people do it. Otherwise it wouldn't be a "thing." I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the mechanics of it. Who looks at a dude in a coffin and thinks: "Easy pickings. I'll ride that thing till it breaks off!" Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, dear...maggots.

*Snort* I kinda wanna write a necrophilic erotic story. Just for shits and giggles. Just to see if I can actually do it (convincingly) and get the damned thing published. And why not? If I can get a story about nuns and tentacles published, why not zombies? Why not necrophilia? The erotic genre is primed for creative exploration and boundary leaping. The erotic market is so much more lenient than other literary genres--and since I'm a twisted, depraved madwoman with a restless imagination, I honestly think I can excel in "weird erotica." Carve out my niche in sexual debauchery and perversion! 

There are things I write when I'm being "serious" and then the things I write when I'm being 100% sarcastic. When people take my erotica seriously, I always get a hysterical laugh out of it. Erotica is a playground. I can get away with shit I would NEVER be able to in a non-erotic press. If I want to explore my atheist musings, I can. If I want to experiment with racial topics, I can. If I want to discuss lesbian feminism and gender inequality, I can. Try doing that in another genre and see if it'll sell. It won't. 

I don't mind scraping it in the "underbelly" of the literary world. Most of what I write is "pulp" anyway.  If I can get you hot and bothered while stimulating your intellect, HURRAY! I want to engage my readers in any way I can. Mind and body, I'll rub them both! And why not? Why the fuck not? *wears shit-eating grin* Ohhhhhhh minions, I feel like writing something truly naughty! :D 

Flannery O'Connor: What I'm Reading

Today's post will be about Southern Gothic literature. Yeah, yeah, like you I was forced to read  William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams in school...but never never Flannery O'Connor! So to satisfy my curiosity, I just checked out her entire collection from the library today. And I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into it!

I have an idea for a southern gothic story, but I'm checking my math before I sit down to write it. The more I ponder about the sort of writer I want to be, the more I internalize the word "gothic" into my personal lexicon of self-characterizing definitions.

But "southern gothic" is something else. An unfamiliar term. A perplexing string of words. And yet I was born in the south. My parents were raised in the south. I currently reside in the south. My boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "southerner." And despite all that, I don't identify as "southern" or even "southern black." 

Southerners are a fascinating mystery to me. I've lived in many parts of the United States, from upstate New York to the Nevada-California border in the Sierra Mountains. Tennessee, Indiana, Connecticut, North Carolina and now Texas. I've been everywhere...and my cultural "roots" dangle nowhere. Yet I think I know enough about southerners to write a convincing southern gothic. We'll see, won't we? Over and out.

New Adults?

So I'm going to write another novella. 20-45k words. A contemporary ghost story with a gay male protagonist. I'm in a cynical sort of mood, so it'll be a dark comedy, I think. I was inspired by this video and a phone conversation I had with one of my writer friends (*waves at Theresa!*)

I'm 24 - watch more funny videos

I want to write about "emerging adulthood." I find myself in this place--halfway out of "kid-dom" and halfway into "adulthood." I'm 23 and feeling nostalgic about my life. It doesn't help that my boyfriend just turned 34. I feel "adulthood" creeping upon me at a faster pace these days and it frightens me. Fuck, all my friends are married. With babies. And houses. And shit. And I'm like..."Hey, hey! Why are you running so fast? What happened to high school? College? You're all leaving me behind!" 

It sucks. 

What influences you?

...Aside from (of course) angry lingerie models? No, no, this is a serious blog post. I just happened to use this picture because I like this model's intense stare: "Yes, I'm photoshopped. No, this purple lace bra won't fit you." Telepathy. 

Anyway. Today I was reflecting on authenticity and the things that influence my writing. As the saying goes: "writers what what they know" and I would mostly agree with that. I am just now realizing how much my Catholic private school education has stuck with me. As a kid, I devoured science-fiction, comic books, anime, Edgar Allan Poe, psychology, and social activism. Ultimately these things shaped the person I am today, so I see no reason to hide that in my writing.

I'm almost done with this tentacle story, and I'm discovering my "style" for the first time. When I try to fight against my influences, I don't write authentically. Yes, I have a dark sense of humor, but I try to leave the reader thinking after they finish my stories. If even for a moment, I want you to wonder "what if?" That is my goal, and perhaps, the only modus operandi I can achieve as a writer. :) 

I gots the Editophobia

Found this blog post over at Write Me Happy and thought I'd share. It's about editing, perfectionism, and procrastination. All foes of the would-be and professional writer. Happy hump day, minions! 

My secret weapon

I'm about to let you guys in on the biggest secret ever known to man. This is huge. Like...top-secret at the Pentagon huge. Don't know you if you guys will be able to handle it...but here it is:

Meet my owl. Mr. Wise One. He has crazy amazing superpowers. I put him on and BAM...I can crank out 8,000 words in one day! It's that epic. For a short spell, I have mutant writing strength! The ideas  just flow from my fingers and onto my keyboard! Nothing I write is crap! I can actually meet my deadlines! I'm over 21,000 words into my new novel! Holy shit!!!!

Sorry but...I can't tell you where I found Mr. Wise One. But I'll give you a hint. Forever 21. And I think he was like $7. Off to finish chapter six! Over and out, minions! 


VC

Goodnight Moon...

Can I share a story with you? It's one I've always wanted to tell somebody...but since no one has ever asked, here it is: A long time ago, when I was just a small stupid kid, my father sat me on his knee and pointed up the full moon with a big smile on his face. "You wanna know a secret?" He waited until I had looked up at the sky before he continued. "Did you know the full moon can drive people crazy?  Her name is Luna, and that is why all of the Lunatics are her children. I was a lunatic once. One day, you will be too." My father didn't realize it at the time, but he was imprinting a memory onto me that would last forever. I had never heard of the moon turning people into lunatics, but as I looked up at the brilliant white orb in the sky, I began to imagine why. "When I was your age," he continued, still pointing skyward,"I fell in love for the first time. I thought the moon was a beautiful woman and I would stare at her for hours alone in my room at night. Everybody laughed at me but I didn't care." He smiled at me, his face now bathed in soft blue moonlight. This man did not look my father anymore. In the eerie pale glow, he looked like some sort of angelic creature. I had never seen nor will I ever see my father in the same reverent way again. I remember my heart pounding. I remember thinking the moon was really driving me crazy or distorting my vision in some way. The moment was too perfect. I was too ridiculously happy for any of this to be real. I wanted to see my father in that soft white light forever. I didn't want the moment to go away. But it did. And my father stood up and gently unglued me from his knee. "The moon is your real mother, VC," he said quietly. "Don't ever forget it. That is the face of the only woman I have ever truly loved." Then he brushed the dirt off his jeans and walked back inside the house, leaving me dazed and bewildered on the grass. 


...The moon was my real mother. And all her children were lunatics. What a concept. 


Maybe I am a lunatic. Perhaps my father was right. Whether I am Luna's daughter or not, I will always love the moon. She will always be a source of creative wonder for me. Tonight I will look upon her again and ask for courage and inspiration. I just have to believe that I can tell my story through my novels. I just have to keep dreaming... 

Crushing on your characters...

I kinda sorta have the hots for one of my characters. I didn't want to fall in love with him...but the pull was just too damn strong! Haha! How many writers have found themselves in similar situations? I'm sure I'm not the only one. After all, as writers we base our characters on people/ideas we like. I happen to like mature, serious-minded introverts with kickass fighting abilities and or a biting sarcasm.    


So here is the combination of characters who inspired the character in my novel. A little bit of Prince Ashitaka from the Studio Ghibli film, Princess Mononoke. Like my character, Ashitaka also falls for a reckless "Wolf Girl." 

A little bit of Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth may not be a "wolf girl" but Keira Knightly kinda looks like a shark with those teeth. So close enough. 

A little bit of Trinity from the movie, The Matrix. Although Neo is much more emotional than Trinity, her logical no-nonsense approach calms him down in stressful situations. She doesn't mince words and she's not afraid to challenge Neo when he's fucking up. Despite her aloofness, she is fiercely devoted to her man and will/does die for him! On top of that, she's so damn sexy isn't she? 

A little bit of Van Fanel from the anime series, Vision of Escaflowne. Van is complicated and he has some...uh... psychological issues. He's a little homicidal but...you know, he has the whole "brooding anti-hero" thing going for him. Because he's an emotional retard, he keeps to himself and prefers not to deal with people unless he absolutely has to. Epic killing starts at 2:07. This whole scene is pretty dope. 

Last but not least, there's Seiji Amasawa from the Studio Ghibli movie, Whisper of the Heart. Seiji is so calm and mature for a 14-yr-old boy! I think I love Seiji the most out of this list. He's the most like my boyfriend. And Shizuku is most like myself. My character in my novel is not as sweet as Seiji, though. But like Seiji, he is mature enough to let the woman in his life make her own choices without trying to rush in and "fix" her mistakes. He is supportive in a quiet, behind-the-scenes kinda way. Only when the situation becomes desperate, will he actively assert himself and offer to "solve her problems." 

Waking Will Bel Canto

Have you ever heard a song that just...gripped you? I just discovered this song (and band) thanks to iTunes. This song reminds me of the sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations I used to have as a kid. Psych nerds will appreciate THIS LINK.  Lyrics posted below: 



The reptiles escaped, who said `booh'? 
Was it me, but who then was i? , what made them fear? 
It's dark and it's cold, and I feel so old
I'm going down
I'm going down to chase some reptiles
So autonomic, and you interupt my dream
You interrupt me, my old brainstem is talking
And you interrupt my dream, you interrupt me
The kites fly up high, I'm free, I run
But from heaven fall the bluebirds, they hit the ground
The sun warms my face, and I feel
It ain't the end for all the living,
It ain't no end for the living, no!
My intuition, and you interrupt my dream
You interrupt me, deep in here it is hidden
And you interrupt my dream, you interrupt me
You woke me up, I'm forgetting, and you interfere
You interrupt my dream
It's so autonomic...

The Last of the Mohicans

Remember when this movie came out? All you '90s kids better raise your hands! *cheesy grin* You can watch this movie for free on Netflix. Anyway, I watched this film for additional "research/inspiration" for my novel. Although this story takes place in 1757 and mine in the 1690s, I took quite a bit from this movie. I wasn't aware until just recently that this movie was based on a book series from the 1820s. Pretty awesome. Too bad I can't say the same for the movie itself, LOL! 

I'm not going to lie, minions. This movie is meh. Just meh. Can we say WHITE WASHING please? I hate how whenever there's the "last" of some threatened ethnic group, it is always some white person. Or the white person becomes the main character in a story that SHOULD be about people of color. "The Last Samurai" was Tom Cruise. "The Last Mohican" was the "I WILL FIND YOU" dude. "The Last Airbender" was...well...you get my point.   

For those interested, the "I WILL FIND YOU" guy's name is Daniel Day Lewis, and he co-starred with Winona Ryder, in "The Crucible." However, the only character I really liked in "The Last of the Mohicans" was Magua. Keep in mind I'm a cannibal, so when Magua cuts out that one dude's heart and eats it, I was thinking: "Oh yeah...gnarly and sexy at once!"

Anyway, the movie was OK. Worth a watch if you're into Daniel Day Lewis, I guess. But I fell in love with the soundtrack. Gawd. I can't express how beautiful the music is! I found myself rewinding parts of the movie just so I could go back and listen to the track again. My favorite is "I Will Find You" performed by Clannad. The whole album is lush and gorgeous...so definitely check that out the next time you're trolling around on iTunes. 

Writing historical fiction SUCKS.

This a partial list of all the books I've read (not just skimmed, ladies and gentlemen, read from cover to cover) to research my novel. I will put these books in my bibliography. 


1. Writer's Guide to Everyday Life in Colonial America by Dale Taylor
2. The Name of War: King Phillips War and the Origins of American Identity by Jill Lepore
3. Red, White, and Black (4th edition) by Gary B. Nash
4. Voodoo Hoodoo Spellbook by Denise Alvarado
5. Creole Religions of the Caribbean by Olmos, Paravisini-Gerbert, and Murphy 
6. Freedom Just Around the Corner by Walter A. McDougall
7. The Spells Bible by Ann-Marie Gallagher 
8. Heritage of the World Civilizations (volume 2) by Kagan and Craig


Let's not forget the books I read just for "inspiration" : 
9. The Crucible by Arthur Miller
10. Brown Girl in the Ring by Nalo Hopkinson (I named one of my characters "Nola" in tribute to Nalo Hopkinson!) 
11. 12. and 13. The Fear Street Saga Trilogy by R. L. Stine 


This list does not even cover the dozens of websites I've poured over in preparation. Before, during, and after the novel was completed I've done nothing but study King William's War, New England Native American Tribes, Puritan and Quaker religions, the Salem Witch Trials, and a host of other crap I can't think of at the moment. I eat, breathe, and sleep the 17th century. I want to be as historically/culturally accurate as I possible, which is why I've taken the time to do so much research. 


And THAT is why writing historical fiction is so sucky. It's tedious. On top of that, you can't just regurgitate all the facts you learn and smear them onto the pages and expect that to work. No, sir, you got to "set the scene" as a proper writer would. You gotta weave that shit in so it looks "organic" and "natural." And THAT is the hardest part for me. Yeah, I can spew tons of useless facts about the Puritans...but so what? How does that pull the reader into the time period? When someone reads my novel, I want them to feel like they are IN the 1690s! But it is so difficult to accomplish this without resorting to info-dumping!  


At times I feel like I am failing to capture the historical-ness of my story. All of my betas expressed SHOCK when I told them my characters were based on the real life historical figures who took part in the Salem Witch Trials. Am I just not getting the historical flavor in there strong enough? *headdesk* This is so hard. It really is. I'm not a history buff but I want people to take my book(s) seriously. Of course I embellish many things about the Salem Witch Trials...no one (to my knowledge) transformed into a werewolf and went on a massive killing spree. But yeah. I don't know.


*Sigh* Spare yourself the trouble and just stay away from writing historical fiction altogether. Over and out, minions. I think my brain is about to explode. 


VC

Uninvited (Alanis Morissette)

I love this song! I just rediscovered it recently. I've been listening to it nonstop while I edit my novel. It is the lyrics that really get me. So feministic! Pumps me up as I'm writing all of those scenes with my main character. Her womanhood is hers. No one else is "invited" to just take it. Go Alanis Morissette, you sing it, girl! 



Lyrics:

Like anyone would be 
I am flattered by your fascination with me 
Like any hot-blooded woman 
I have simply wanted an object to crave 
But you, you're not allowed 
You're uninvited 
An unfortunate slight 

Must be strangely exciting 
To watch the stoic squirm 
Must be somewhat heartening 
To watch shepherd need shepherd 
But you you're not allowed 
You're uninvited 
An unfortunate slight 

Like any uncharted territory 
I must seem greatly intriguing 
You speak of my love like 
You have experienced love like mine before 
But this is not allowed 
You're uninvited 
An unfortunate slight 

I don't think you unworthy 
I need a moment to deliberate

Alpha Male Villains

Ahhh...the quintessential "alpha male" antagonist. Does it get any better than Gaston from Beauty and the Beast? Creating an evil (authentic) villain can be just as challenging as characterizing your main character! At the moment, I am having serious problems with one of the villains in my novel! Agggh! It's easy to make your villain a dick. It's much harder to humanize him so his motivations seem authentic.



So what is an "alpha male" exactly? And why do alpha males make such good bad guys?


Alpha males aren't necessarily "evil" but they do have character traits that often twist them into unsympathetic characters. "Alpha" types are assertive, aggressive, self-absorbed, confident, proactive, and tend to put themselves in leadership roles. These traits can be good (and even necessary) in some situations, but in most interpersonal situations, not so much. True alpha males are rare. They should make up less than 15% of the general population. In the wild, the strongest alpha usually wins the right to mate with the female and pass his genetic line. Likewise, in human settings, the alpha male usually puts himself at the top of the social hierarchy (CEOs, politicians, military generals, etc.)


If you're dealing with an alpha male, he will try to assert his "dominance" over you.  An unwilling main character who refuses to follow his rules can create the perfect conflict scenario. This is why alpha males make excellent antagonists in fiction. However, whenever you're creating a villain (alpha or not) you've got to give him realistic motivations. He can't just be evil for the sake of being evil. 


I love to HATE my villains. A truly convincing bad guy can become my favorite character! If your readers love to hate your villain, they will root for your main character. And often they'll turn the pages just to see how the villain "get's it" in the end. So with that said, who is YOUR favorite fictionary villain? And is he an alpha male?  

Monsters

I wrote this poem a few months ago. I thought about publishing it...but then I decided it is just not something I want put out there (professionally). Anyway, I wrote this poem after watching an episode from Criminal Minds. I think the episode was called "Six Seconds." There was this song that came on during that episode by Imogen Heap and I knew I just had to jot down something. It was a spur of the moment sort of thing. Please enjoy the song that inspired me to write this poem and also (if you you can) the poem itself. I always cry when Imogen sings: "You're scaring me! You're scaring me to death!" and also "I've got a bad feeling...trust me on this one....you're gonna throw it all away!" When she says "Smash!" I flinch from the sting of it. Such artistry in this song. 


Namaste,
VC



"Monsters"

Monsters all around me

smiling so wide

using their deception

to hide in plain sight

When we were children

our parents often said

the monster in question

lived under our beds.

But this isn't true

we know these are lies

monsters hunt everywhere

in disguise, they survive

Unspoken, unseen

and veiled by our silence

they creep undisturbed

and act out their violence

Vulnerable children

with eyes on their pillows

fall victim and prey

eaten and swallowed.

And no one cries out! 

These speechless parents…

A muted community…

Our broken spirits…

Monsters blow kisses

whisper so sweet

you'll almost never find one

beneath the bed where you sleep. 

Smexxxy Friday (Jack and Coke)

I did not know I was a whiskey girl until my 23rd birthday last month. Thanks to that experience, I now have two new lovers in my life: Jack and Coke. I'm no stranger to hard liquor--normally tequila is my poison of choice, but damn, I have never been more wasted in my life than when I drink whiskey! After 3 shots, I'm singing...crying...dancing...writing poetry...you name it. It is freaking awesome!


Whiskey has this strange effect on me...I feel...kinda sexxxy when I'm drunk on it. It opens me up, raw, and makes me float on a cloud. I was drinking a Jack and Coke yesterday and danced all night to Hooverphonic's "2 Wicky." That was the best night ever! This morning I woke up around 7:30am (a new record for me) with the itching feeling to write. Note to self: if ever in need of creative inspiration, drink a Jack and Coke while dancing to Hooverphonic! 

Status Update: 1/12

Time for another status update! Sooo...what have I accomplished since my last update? Virtually nothing! Yay! Hurray for failure and mediocrity! 


No new publications. In fact, I haven't even submitted anything to a publisher in months! Sorry, guys. I've been too busy finishing my novels. Yes. Plural. You read that right. I realize trying to finish two novels at the same time is INSANITY but I'm awesome like that. What can I say? I'm a masochist. 


*Sigh* My dragon story has taken on a life of its own. I'm still trying to knock out the first chapter. My historical YA is completely on hold due to a serious case of writer's block. In fact, I'm writing the dragon story BECAUSE I have hit a such a big wall with my other one. I could try writing short stories--but I'm sort of short story'd out at the moment. 


When I can figure out how to write the last 10K words of my YA WIP, I can stop obsessing! I'm like 73K words into it at the moment. When I do another project, I'll let you guys know. Until then, I'm going to wallow in my own worthlessness while watching a whole lot of daytime television. :) 

Elder Scrolls V: SKYRIM

It's not often I blog about video game reviews, but I wanted to share my thoughts about Skyrim with you today. Let me be blunt with you first: I am not (and nor will I ever claim to be) a gamer. In fact, I've never played Skyrim before. But because I only have one television, I've been forced to watch at least 5 hours of gameplay a day for the past two weeks now. 


My boyfriend eats, breathes, and sleeps Skyrim. Every spare moment he has is spent on the PS3. Since he hogs the television, I've spent the past few days ordering his Dunmer character around from the couch: "Do the Thieves Guild Quest! Stop wasting time with the Greybeards! Kill the dragon, already!" and such, haha. Skyrim has taken over our lives and I'm a little ashamed to confess I've become somewhat obsessed with this game as well. 


Inspiration is a funny thing, indeed. Before the Skyrim Invasion, I was suffering from a serious case of writer's block. However, after seeing so many Elves and Dragons dance across my screen, I've decided to try my hand at a fantasy story to pass the time until I can get back on track with my novel. 


I really love Skyrim's storyline. The writing is top notch and I enjoy the dialogue sequences from all of the characters. I've never written a dragon story before. I always thought dragons were corny as hell and an overused crutch for many in "epic fantasy" genre. Skyrim has a unique spin on the dragon cliche. I was inspired the most by the "Shouts" and the whole concept of speech and language being used as weapons. 


I have no idea how long this little dragon story of mine will be. Haven't actually sat down to write it yet. I'm hoping for a quick little novella. Maybe 10 to 30 thousand words. We'll see...

A Writer's Conviction

One of the hardest obstacles a writer must face is herself! It's easy to lose your nerve when you're standing before a horde of faceless readers and critics. You might begin to question your work, your point of view and wonder if it is all worth it. 


Every writer second-guesses themselves every once in a while, but it is important to stick to your guns. You have to remember WHY you're writing in the first place and believe in it. You have to stand by YOUR point of view regardless what others might think... because without your point of view, you wouldn't be you. Don't ever compromise your values or conviction, it is what makes us all special.  


As writers, we run from designated paths and seek alternate trails elsewhere in the bush. It's exciting to do something different, but also kind of scary since there's no one to fall back on if you get lost. Every writer is taking a different route, trying to go somewhere. And every writer has a unique voice--some voices are louder or better than others, but you can't let that distract you from your goals. 


It's tough work being a writer. The pay isn't good, the work isn't steady or stable, and there's no glory for most of us in this field. No, to be a writer, you have to LOVE what you do. And that takes conviction. So do you have it? 

The Tragic Artist

Why are artists/writers generally credited as having sad, depressive, or traumatic life experiences?

Surely, there have been many famous "tragic artists" to warrant this stereotype--I'm sure names like Sylvia Plath, Edgar Allan Poe, and Ernest Hemingway immediately spring to mind. And there seems to be reliable evidence from numerous psychologists who have found positive correlations between writers and depression/bi-polar. The statistics point out that writers/artists/musicians/etc. have higher rates of mental illnesses than most other people.

But what about you guys?

For the writers/artists/musicians/etc. reading my blog have you struggled with a mental illness? Or do you know an artist who has?

I just finished a 2-month stint of intensive psychotherapy last month. So at least for me, mental illness has been an influential part of my life. At least in the beginning, my depression led me to take out my frustrations on pencil and paper. Having attempted suicide twice before the age of 18, it's safe to say the arts were a "life-saver" for me.

I began writing "angsty" poetry and horror stories as early as the first grade. I remember horrifying my second-grade teacher with poetry I wrote and read aloud to the class. Mass murderers, natural disasters, monsters, and other warped creations were a common theme in my poetry and short stories.

At my lowest, I was my most creative.

And now that I'm "clean" and healthy, I'm redefining what inspires my creativity. I don't need to be "tragic" to write anymore. My life is anything but tragic now! However, without the childhood abuse, I doubt I would've started writing in the first place. My childhood, although traumatic, has helped me become the person I am today.

So if you are a tragic artist, recognize the signs and get help for yourself. Depression is not something you have to endure in silence. Get the help you need. You deserve it.

Here is a resource for artists/writers who have mental illnesses. You can share your poetry and creative writing in front of a group of other artists who'll understand without passing judgement. I was on the site for a little bit, but I found I no longer needed it as I got better:

http://www.littleepisodes.org/

Some online resources for depression, bi-polar, and other mental illnesses:

http://www.depression.com/index.html

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-resources

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=Signs_symptoms