No, really! It can! And I'm going to tell you how!
For all my gay/lesbian couples reading out there, these tips apply to you guys too! Don't tune me out just because I prefaced this post with an image of a heterosexual couple! :D I'll get to you guys in a minute! I promise!
Now as some of you already know...I'm an erotic author. I specialize in multicultural bisexual erotica...meaning I write interracial f/f, m/f, and m/m situations. Sometimes I combine all of these elements together in the same story! But that's for another post...onto how erotica can improve your sex life!
HOW EROTICA HELPS MEN:
Women like erotica/romance novels because there's always something new and different. The guys are always sensitive and hunky, and he is usually in tune with the heroine's emotions and feelings (meaning, he knows where and when to touch and how hard). He can be a space pirate, a computer geek, a medieval sorcerer or even the guy next door! It really doesn't matter what he is or what he says, it's how he does it that makes it erotic and sexy! Learn how he does that and you will have the ladies lining up at your door!
Female authors dominate the romance/erotica genres (while bored, curious, or sex-deprived females make up their target audience) so as men, you benefit the most by applying these trends into your love life. How many women have you heard complain: "It's not fair! Men just aren't like that in the real world!" after coming back from a cheesy romance movie or putting down a romantic book?
Ha! Well, not anymore! You can be that man! Or at least fake being him in the bedroom!
Besides, reading erotica is an encyclopedia for sexual poses, scenarios, and activities. Surprise her! Try to incorporate some of your favorite scenes into your routine! The more creative you are, the better! Ladies want romance...so give it to her!
Alright, ladies. For those of you who already read erotica, this section isn't for you! I don't need to tell you what you already know! So I'm dedicating this section to the women out there who 1. think erotica is nasty or demeaning 2. have never read erotica or 3. don't know what erotica is.
Want to score extra points?
Try writing your OWN erotica! Women are suckers for the written word! So try writing her a cheesy love letter or a naughty poem! Write an explicit story about the two of you if you're feeling brave enough! However, there's a difference between erotica and porn, so if you're unsure, please revisit my post about Erotica Vs. Pornography. You may think you're being sexy with: "I stuck my penis into your anal sphincter so we could fuck doggy style" but to impress a woman, less forceful language and a slow buildup to the main event works best! For gay men, the above would be just fine...although the word "sphincter" isn't very sexy, now is it?
HOW EROTICA HELPS WOMEN:
So you think the above picture is too much, do you? Yes, then, I'm most certainly talking to you! I hand-selected him off the internet myself. Are you pleased? Offended?
For the women who think erotica is nasty...my first question is, do you like/enjoy sex or are you a sexual person? If the answers to these are no, then erotica most certainly isn't for you! Erotica-fans generally like or are interested in sex. If all sex is "nasty" to you, then of course erotica will turn you off too! Erotica celebrates sex! Erotica is a homage to sex! So...if you hate sex...reading erotica won't do you any bit of good, now will it?
My second question would be, have you ever read erotica? Most women who tell me, "Erotica is nasty" haven't even read it! This boggles my mind! Of course you're entitled to your opinion, but don't knock something you haven't tried! Like I said to the men, erotica is NOT pornography! And good erotica is never demeaning to women or any other population. If you read erotica that was demeaning, don't support that publisher by buying their filth! Most publishers don't publish that kind of crap but there are a few who do.
I, for one, NEVER write erotica that involves rape-fantasy (or capture-fatasy), torture, incest, racism, or derogatory depictions of any race, culture, or religion. If you want kosher erotica, find erotic authors who specialize in those areas before making your purchase.
Erotica is great because it empowers women! Erotica provides a safe outlet for women to take ownership of their sex, as well as an avenue to explore their sexual curiosities without shame or apology to the patriarchal society we live in! There's nothing WRONG with being a sexual woman! Unfortunately though, women have a long ways to go until we have the same social freedoms as men. If a woman chooses to sleep with a lot of men she is still viewed as a whore or a slut. But a man with same number of partners is hailed as a "stud."
Women are told conflicting messages in regards to their sexuality. Some examples:
1. "You have to be a size 2 to be attractive...but without a Double D chest, you aren't curvy enough."
2. "Submitting to a man's sexual desires is a sign of femininity...but if you should enjoy it or initiate it yourself, you are a whore or a slut!"
3. "Men are supposed to have lots of sex, but once a woman gives him what he wants she is "used goods" and no longer "pure" or "virginal."
4. "Men want women who are "ladies" in public but "freaks" in the bedroom."
5. "Women should push themselves in their careers, but haven't accomplished anything unless they've earned the coveted title of Mrs. or Mom."
6. "A woman is entitled to her body, but if a man asks for it or provides security/finances she is expected to forfeit her rights or risk being labeled a "prude," "unloving," or a "tease.""
7. "Women are supposed to wait until they are married...but are expected to "put out" on the third date or if a man has done something for her."
8. "Women are beautiful in all colors and sizes...until they hit 35. Then they become "old" "undesirable" and "unworthy." Women are only good for their looks, and once they're gone, they have nothing.
9. "Any woman who stands up for women's sexual rights must be "a flaming liberal," a lesbian, a feminist, or all three because there's no need to fight for women's rights in the 21st century!"
Erotica pushes past these unfair gender stereotypes. It tells women they can be just as sexually active as men and that enjoying sex is not only normal, but HEALTHY!
Ladies, you have that right! And don't let anyone tell you otherwise! It's your body, you can do whatever you want with it! Don't be ashamed of your sex. Take ownership of it. Empower yourself!
Aside from empowerment and personal freedom, erotica offers creativity and understanding for women and their bodies. You can communicate with your partner things you wish to try or use erotica as a way to enjoy your alone-time when your partner is away!
Erotic authors write erotica so our readers can indulge themselves in any way they see fit! It's safe, (you can't catch a STD from an erotic story) it's effective, and you don't even need a partner to enjoy it! Pamper yourself, ladies. You deserve it! Let your fantasies run freely!
FOR THE GLBT READERS:
I promised I would get to you guys! I'm a woman of my word!
Erotica is a wonderful thing for those in the GLBT community! Many many many publishers include m/m and f/f titles! For you guys, the world of erotica is like a candy store! Just close your eyes and pick one! I write more f/f than m/m (as male sexuality seems to be the "preferred" even in homosexual markets).
Erotica helps us in the GLBT community feel validated and appreciated. We have just as many sexual needs as the hetero-population, and publishers are beginning to see that! Also, because GLBT is still considered a taboo, it sells like crazy! It's a hot genre many erotic authors want to get in on. Like I said in the other sections, most markets only publish stories with favorable GLBT-themes (nothing mean or derogatory).
I'm in the movement for f/f markets (there are sooooooo few in comparison to m/m and m/f). I hope this post has inspired all of you to buy erotica! If not for yourself, do it for your partner! It'll improve your sex life AND boost your confidence and self-esteem!
I guarantee it!
Happy reading, everyone! And as always, feel free to leave comments!
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