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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Vampires Are Lame.


Perhaps I'm going to get a lot of flack for this. But I'm just going to come out and say it.

I boycott anything with vampires in it. Be it books. Movies. TV shows. Comics.

Whatever.

I don't write it. I don't read it. And frankly, I've had all I can stand with the entire "vampire subgenre." It wasn't interesting when Anne Rice did it. Wasn't interesting when Laurell K. Hamilton did it. And hasn't gotten any better with Stephanie Meyer's latest rendition.

If I have to hear one more thing about that goddamned Twilight book I will go insane! I might just have to kill someone...and eat them. I've been so good about my vegetarian diet...I'd hate to fall off the wagon now!

I hate vampires because they're BORING! They aren't scary, and the theme has been done a million times before! There's only so many variations of VAMPIRES you can do before you've seen it all!

Let's see. They turn into bats. They burn in the sunlight. They fetishize virgins...and on occasion...bite a few people.

Give me something different!

Is that so hard?

Are writers so brain-dead, so stunted in their creative development, that they are incapable of writing their own monsters?! As a horror writer, I want to weep! It's as if the entire horror genre has morphed into this teeny bopper cliche! Sparkling vampires don't cut it in my horror stories. In fact, anything that "sparkles" in direct sunlight shouldn't cut it anywhere.


Bring back the creatures of hell! Bring back the Lovecraftian creatures of old! Do away with the romantic subplots! Just give us the monsters, the carnage, and all the cheap thrills that made us stay up at night under the covers with flashlights!

GIVE US BACK THE HORROR GENRE!!!! And let the "un-dead" vampires stay dead.

For good.

3 comments:

Naeko said...

Those are all three crappy examples of vampires. If there's angst involved (and, sadly, there usually is with vampires), then someone is doing it wrong. I like the vampires David Wellington writes; they're actually monsters! Other than that I, sadly, can't think of an interesting take on the bloodsuckers. Depressingly, werewolf books aren't much better; yet so many authors, these days, think combining the two will make for a great story.

TK Turner said...

Hahaha! So true! Yes...werewolves are just as bad as vampires. But that's for another blog post! :D Thanks for commenting!

Robin Eduardo said...

You see, I love vampires, but I will agree that the romanticized versions have become entirely played out.

Vampires should be evil, selfish beings, with a bloodlust and no conscience for their actions. In fact, they should exploit their victim's and use them for their own gain. Bram Stoker had it right. Although I actually enjoyed Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla much better. (Probably due to the subtle lesbian suggestion throughout.)

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