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The following is an excerpt from one of my WIPS.
The sun beat over their heads without mercy. Not a single cloud graced the sky on the day of her mother’s funeral, and as the ceremony progressed, Holly’s father moaned louder into his handkerchief. Violent sobs quaked through his body. He gasped with each strained breath as he wiped the fluids that trickled from his nose, eyes, and mouth.
Seeing her father that way had frightened her. She wondered when she too would break down and dissolve into tears, but the tears never came that day.
5 comments:
A lot of emotion in this six.
I agree. You show a great deal of emotion from the father, but I'm curious as to why that narrator isn't showing any. Intriguing.
Wow. I agree with JA and Jessica. Emotion is palpable.
afraid of when the tears will come - very emotional!
Thank you for all the wonderful comments. :)
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